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That can hurt. And it can also be very confusing.
You might start asking yourself:
- Should I wait?
- Will they ever change their mind?
- What if I miss my chance?
Give Yourself Time to Feel Your Emotions
This is a big thing. There’s no “wrong” way to feel. It’s okay to carry a lot at this moment. Becoming a parent is not a small decision, it’s about your life, your heart, and your dreams.
Slowing down can help you connect with emotions you might be pushing aside. Give it a try. Do you want kids right now? Or in the next few years? What matters most to you?
Understanding what you feel first will help you talk about it better.
Talk To Your Partner Gently
Try to have a calm and honest talk. Not while you’re angry or upset. But when both of you can sit down and really listen to each other.You can say things like:
- “Can we talk about having kids someday?”
- “So, how do you feel about the whole starting-a-family thing?”
- “I’m ready, but I want to know if you are too or if something’s holding you back.”
Try To Understand Their Reasons
Sometimes people are not ready for kids because they are:- Worried about money
- Scared of the changes it will bring
- Afraid they won’t be a good parent
- Still healing from past hurt or childhood issues
- “What makes you feel unsure?”
- “Is there anything you’re afraid of?”
- “What would help you feel more ready?”
Think About What’s Most Important To You
Ask yourself:- Can I wait a few more years?
- Will I be okay if we never have kids?
- If they never want children, what would I do?
Get Support If Needed
Sometimes talking with a therapist or counsellor can help both of you. It can also help you if you’re feeling stuck or hurt.Counselling is not only for couples with problems. It can help with big life decisions like this one.
Think of it as guidance from someone trained to help you untangle complex emotions, notice patterns, and make decisions that align with your values and emotional well-being. It’s a step toward clarity, not a sign of failure.
Be Honest Without Pressure
You don’t have to give ultimatums or force a decision. But it’s okay to say what’s true for you.You can say:
- “I love you deeply, and I dream of us building a beautiful family together one day.”
- “You don’t have to decide today. I just want us to keep sharing and growing together.”
Don’t Wait Forever If You’re Hurting
It’s okay to give it time. But if months or years pass and nothing changes, you may need to think about what that means for your future.This isn’t about being selfish. It’s about protecting your heart and your dream of becoming a parent.
Sometimes love isn’t enough when two people want very different things. That’s painful, but it’s also honest.
And even if this relationship ends, your chance to become a parent doesn’t end with it. You still have time. You still have choices.
You are allowed to want children. You are allowed to ask questions. And you are allowed to dream of a family that includes your heart’s deepest wish.
Speak your truth with kindness. Ask for the same in return.
Whatever happens next, you are not wrong for wanting more.
FAQs on What To Do When One Partner Wants Kids and the Other Doesn’t
- Is it common for partners to disagree on having kids?
Yes, many couples go through this. It’s a deeply personal decision and feelings can change over time. - Should I wait if my partner isn’t ready?
Only if waiting feels emotionally okay for you. Know your timeline and what matters most to you. - Can therapy help us talk about it?
For sure! A good counselor helps you both open up, with no judgment, just understanding and guidance. - What if we never agree?
If you both want very different futures, it’s okay to part ways with love. You still have choices and time.
