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If you’re pregnant and not too happy about it, take a deep breath because you’re not alone. And, more importantly, it’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling. Whether your pregnancy was planned or unexpected, if you find yourself feeling detached, numb, scared or even sad, those emotions are perfectly normal. That doesn’t make you any less of a mother. It makes you human.
Being informed about why this happens, how to respond, and how to weather the emotional roller coaster of this intensely personal experience will make your journey much simpler.
Why You May Not Be Thrilled About Being Pregnant
There can be countless reasons to not feel the so-called ‘pregnancy glow’, many of them driven by factors that have little to do with the baby itself and everything to do with the world around (and within) you.Here are some common ones:
- Unplanned Pregnancy: An unexpected pregnancy or one that comes at a point in your life when you feel unprepared is understandably overwhelming.
- Mental Health Problems: Anxiety, depression or prior trauma can significantly affect how you feel in pregnancy. While this phase can be a confusing time for anyone, existing mental health concerns can often be amplified.
- Physical Discomfort: Morning sickness, fatigue, changes to the body and the general physical demands of pregnancy can suck the excitement and energy out of you, particularly in the first trimester.
- Relationship Strain: If you and your partner are not on solid ground or you’re going through pregnancy solo, the emotional burden can make you feel more of a drag than a joyful mama-to-be.
- Financial or Career Concerns: The pressure (or worrying) about money, job security or how it would impact your professional goals can add up to more stress than feeling happy.
- Loss of Self: Many women believe that pregnancy changes their identity. The shift to motherhood isn’t only physical, it’s emotional and mental as well.
- Past Trauma or Loss of Pregnancy: A previous miscarriage, stillbirth or traumatic birth experience can create a mismatch between hope and experience with a new pregnancy.
Why You Are Not Alone In These Feelings
Despite the lack of conversation surrounding it, not feeling excited about pregnancy is more common than you’d think. Many women feel the stress of walking a societal line and the need to smile through the nine months, bond instantly, and be naturally happy.But let’s be honest, pregnancy is not a walk in the park. It impacts your whole body, mind and life. You don’t have to always be ecstatic about it. That does not make you ungrateful, it makes you honest.
In fact, admitting to yourself how you feel is the first step toward doing something about it.
What To Do If Your Pregnancy Experience Feels Negative
Here are practical, gentle ways to carry you through and help you reconnect with your pregnancy journey:Share What’s on Your Mind: Speaking about how you feel, whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or a therapist, can be very comforting. You don’t have to bear it all by yourself.
Find a Professional: Discussing your feelings with a mental health professional can help you process them 10x better. Therapists who specialise in prenatal mental health or perinatal mood disorders can be particularly useful.
Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings: You don’t have to pretend to be happy. If you’re feeling anxious, confused, angry or numb–feel it. Denying your feelings only makes healing take longer.
Journal It Out: Putting into words what you’re feeling can help make it clearer. It’s also a good way to identify patterns or triggers.
Join a Support Group: Sometimes it helps just to know you are not alone in your feelings. Whether you join in person or online, pregnancy support groups are a safe space to share and learn.
Focus on small moments: Don’t pressure yourself to experience all the emotions. Look for small ways to connect. Like listening to soothing music together, feeling the baby kick, or preparing a little corner of the nursery.
Reduce Social Media Exposure: It can be upsetting to see perfect pregnancy experiences on your feed. Remember, people share the highlights of their lives online, rarely their struggles.
Practice mindfulness: Breathing exercises, yoga, or meditation can help ground you and reduce stress.
Reimagine How Pregnancy “Should” Feel: There is no single right way to feel about being pregnant. That’s your experience, and you need to do whatever it takes to claim it.
When to Seek Help
While it’s perfectly normal to experience a range of emotions, if you feel consistently low, disconnected or anxious, it may be a sign of prenatal depression or anxiety. These are more common than you realise.Look out for these signs:
- Continuing sadness or feeling helpless
- Loss of interest in things you used to like
- Changes in appetite or sleep
- Panic attacks or excessive concern
- Being a distance from the pregnancy
- Suicidal thoughts or the desire to hurt the baby
How to Communicate With Your Partner or Loved Ones
It’s scary to open up, especially if you’re concerned about being judged. But clear communication fosters understanding. Here are some tips:- “I feel” statements and avoiding blame-based language
- Specify what’s bothering you
- Inform them of how they can help. Sometimes it’s simply about being heard
- Post relevant articles or resources that they can use to grasp
- One conversation at a time
Let’s Break the Myth: It’s Okay to Love Your Baby and Feel Low All at the Same Time
One of the many fears a pregnant woman has is, “Does this mean I’m going to love my baby less?” Absolutely not.A feeling of being overwhelmed, scared or uncertain does not mean you won’t bond with your baby or be a good mum. It just means you’re experiencing something legitimate, and your brain and body require time and support.
You’re Entitled to Your Feelings
Pregnancy is not an experience with a one-size-fits-all emotional blueprint. Your journey is your own, and there’s no gold star for being happy all the time.If you are not enthused, that’s all right. If you are still processing the whole journey, that’s okay too. It’s perfectly fine if joy comes in waves or not at all.With the right support and some self-love, everything can be fixed. As they say, “You don’t have to feel excited about being pregnant to be an incredible mother.”
FAQs on What to Do If You Aren’t Excited About Being Pregnant (And Why That’s Okay)
- Is it normal not to feel joy about pregnancy?
Yes, it’s completely normal. A lot of women feel ambivalent or even bad about being pregnant, and that does not mean you are going to be a bad mother. - What can I do if I feel depressed when I’m pregnant?
Talking to a mental health professional has proven to be effective. Prenatal depression is real and curable, and early intervention can go a long way. - Will these feelings disappear once I give birth?
They do sometimes, but not always. The emotions surrounding postpartum can be equally complex. And it may be beneficial to continue seeking support and monitoring your mental health even after delivery. - Does therapy actually help with pregnancy-related emotional woes?
Absolutely. Therapists trained in perinatal mental health can offer you tools, validation, and a safe space to work through your feelings and move through this journey with more clarity.
