Why Do Children Experience Separation Anxiety?
Reasons behind separation anxiety should be understood to treat it with empathy and patience.
- Developmental stage: As children grow, they begin to understand that people exist even when they are not seen. However, separation is unresolved for them at this stage.
- Secure bond: It becomes tough for separation to take place when there is a strong bond between the parents and the child.
- Unknown factors: The anxiety will increase due to unknown factors like new surroundings, strangers, or changes in routines.
- Routine changes: Changes in daily routines that trigger anxiety include joining day care centres, moving homes, or changing caregivers.
Common Signs of Separation Anxiety
Here are some common signs:
- Crying or having a tantrum about the parents’ exit
- Clinging to a caregiver
- Refusing to attend school or daycare
- Fear of sleeping alone
- Being afraid of being alone in a room
It is important to be able to identify the symptoms so that you are able to help your child overcome their fears in an appropriate manner.
Tips for Dealing with Separation Anxiety
Start with short distances: Start by leaving your child for some time, and then leave him for an extended period of time. In this manner, your child will learn that you will come back.
Establish a goodbye ritual: Establishing a regular goodbye ritual will make things easier. For example, a hug or a kiss. Long or emotional goodbyes should be avoided since they can increase anxiety.
Make goodbyes short and happy: They get your emotional waves. Children are very perceptive and can detect changes in a person’s mood, so it is important to remain calm and confident to show your child that all is well.
Establish trust through consistency: If you always show up when you promise to do so, your child will understand that the separation is not permanent.
Offer comforting objects: Your child can use their favourite object, blanket, toy, etc., for comfort during your absence.
Prepare your child beforehand: In case there is going to be any alteration in the routine, always explain it to your child beforehand. It decreases the uncertainties in the individual.
Support independence: Allow your child to play alone while observing them closely. The confidence level is gradually built through exploration and playing alone with the presence of an adult.
Adhere to a routine: The routine must be maintained properly, which means that the meals, playtime, and sleep schedule must be adhered to strictly.
Do not leave silently: It may be easier for parents to leave silently, but it will lead to more anxiety in your child and will damage your relationship. Always say goodbye to your child, even if they cry.
Be patient and encouraging: Separation anxiety is a phase that gets better with time.
What Not to Do
Certain reactions can exacerbate the child’s anxiety, even though it is natural to feel concerned when your child struggles with separation. Thus, being mindful of one’s response is critical in helping the child feel secure.- Do not punish your child because they are worried: Separation anxiety is not misbehaviour; it is a reaction to emotions, so punishing your child can make him or her more upset. Instead, validate the child’s feelings and comfort them.
- Do not make promises that you cannot keep: Telling your child you will return in a minute and staying away for longer confuses the child and increases mistrust in the long run. It is better to give a simple explanation, which a child can understand even if he is still upset.
- Never compare your child with others: Children grow at different rates. Comparing an independent child with a dependent one can put a lot of pressure on the dependent child and make them feel inferior or insecure. Focus on your child’s progress and work at their comfort level.
- Do not show guilt or anxiety when it is time for separation: Children are very sensitive to the emotions of their parents. If you appear worried, hesitant, or guilty while leaving, your child may sense that something is wrong. Coming off as worried, hesitant, or guilty before leaving the child can alert them that something is not right, so it is best to appear calm, confident, and positive to reassure the child that they are safe.
Your response will be integral to how your child eventually learns to deal with separation. A calm, understanding, and consistent approach allows the child to gradually build their confidence in themselves and alleviate their fears that come about due to the absence of the parent.
When to See a Doctor
Even though separation anxiety is considered normal, you may consider seeing a doctor when:- Your kid’s anxiety is serious and does not stop as he grows up
- Your kid refuses to attend school and daycare
- Your kid often has complaints like headaches or stomachaches
- Your kid’s anxiety interferes with their daily activities and sleep cycle
- Your kid shows extreme signs of anxiety despite consolation
The help of a paediatrician or child psychologist will be needed in this situation.
It is common for kids to experience separation anxiety during the emotional development stage. Although it might hurt parents to watch their kids experience separation anxiety, it also indicates that the bond between them is extremely healthy.
In time, with routines, patience, and gradual separations, you will help your child become more independent and emotionally secure.
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FAQs on Is Your Child Struggling With Separation Anxiety? Here's How to Help
- How long does separation anxiety last?
It differs according to the child and will normally fade away once the child grows up and becomes more aware of things. - Can I just let my baby cry?
You should make sure your baby feels comfortable, although crying upon separation is normal. - Is there a chance of having separation anxiety after the end of it?
Yes, sometimes there is a possibility of having separation anxiety for children during a big change, like changing schools.