Learning to Ask for Help as a New Parent: Why It Truly Matters

Why Asking for Help Can Feel So Hard as a New Parent

• You feel expected to handle everything alone: You may have grown up seeing parents manage homes, children, and responsibilities without visible support. Over time, this creates the belief that a good parent should be able to do it all independently. Asking for help can then feel like you are falling short.
• Perfectionism makes you afraid of being judged: You might feel pressure to prove that you are doing everything “right.” The fear of being seen as incapable or unprepared can stop you from opening up, even when you are overwhelmed. You may worry that others will question your abilities as a parent if you admit you are struggling.
• You feel you should already have all the answers: There is often an unspoken expectation that parents should know what to do at every stage. When you do not, you might feel embarrassed or anxious about asking questions.
• You do not want to burden others: You may hesitate because you feel everyone else is busy with their own lives. Asking for help can make you feel guilty, as if you are adding to someone else’s stress or responsibilities.
• Fear of rejection holds you back: Even a simple no can feel personal when you are already emotionally tired. The possibility that someone may not be available can stop you from asking at all.
• You want things done your way: Letting go of control can be hard, especially when it comes to your child. You may worry that others will not do things the way you prefer, which makes it easier to handle everything yourself, even when you are exhausted.
• Modern family setups offer less built-in support: Unlike joint families, where help came naturally, many parents today live in nuclear households. This means you often have to request support rather than receive it automatically.
• The help offered is not always the help you need: Sometimes people offer to hold the baby or give advice when what you really need is help with chores or rest.

How to Ask for Help As a New Parent

• Be clear and direct about what you need: Instead of hinting or waiting for others to guess, say exactly what would help. Clear requests make it easier for people to say yes.
• Share how you are feeling with someone you trust: Letting someone know you feel tired or overwhelmed is not a weakness. It helps them understand why you are asking and creates space for support.
• Plan your requests when possible: If you know you will need help, mention it in advance. Giving details like time or duration makes it easier for others to plan and follow through.
• Use simple, direct language: Say things like “I need help with cooking tonight,” or “Can you handle the groceries this week?” For personal rest, you can say, “I need to lie down for a while. Can you stay with the baby?”
• Ask for specific tasks instead of general help: Vague requests can confuse people. Saying “Can you clean the dishes?” makes it clear what you need.
• Remind people of prior offers: If someone has offered help before, it is appropriate to follow up. You can say, “You mentioned you could help earlier. Would you be able to watch the baby while I shower?”
• Set gentle boundaries to protect your space: It is okay to ask for no visits before a certain time or to request a message before someone comes over.
• Encourage practical support: If someone asks how they can help, suggest something specific, such as bringing a meal on a certain day or running a small errand.

FAQS on Learning to Ask for Help as a New Parent: Why It Truly Matters

1. Will people judge me for needing help as a new parent?
   No, most people are more understanding than we expect. Those who truly care usually appreciate being trusted enough to help.
2. How do I ask for help as a new parent without feeling guilty?
   Remind yourself that parenting is not meant to be done alone. Support is a need, not a favour.