What happens if mother does not want to talk about how she feels?

A dad can respect her space and be there for her until she's ready. Being available, instead of forcing her to talk, will likely get her to begin sharing on her own.

Is it normal for dads to feel overwhelmed too?

Yes. There's a new baby, and your spouse's life has changed forever. He may be tired or worried, too; talking to someone he trusts, such as his doctor, keeps him strong to help the family.

Where can a dad ask for help if he is worried about the mother's temperament?

He can discuss his concerns with her doctor or other family members who can advise what to do next, such as telling her to see a counsellor or mental-health professional.

Emotional Support Dads Can Provide After Birth

Everyone expects a baby's arrival to feel joyful, and it often does. It can also feel overwhelming. A new mother might be laughing one minute and crying the next, with no awareness of why. These days, having dad around can make a difference.

Why Can the Postpartum Period Feel So Overwhelming?

The postpartum period can be shown as a happy time in life, but it can also be difficult, complicated and draining, Dr Chaudhary says. Mothers can feel worn down, confused, and overwhelmed with their emotions. Both of these things can happen at the same time, and being happy and sad at the same time does not mean any mother loves her baby any less.

Dads and partners have an important role to play in a mother's mental and emotional health in this period of change. It does not have to be perfect. It has to be consistent and genuine.

Why Is Listening More Helpful Than Fixing?

Sometimes a mother just needs to talk. Dr Chaudhary recommends asking her how she is feeling and letting her vent, whether it be in tears, anger or exhaustion.

Good listening can look like this:

Set the phone aside and sit beside her
Examples of open questions: "How are you feeling today?"
Letting her finish speaking before saying anything
Accepting her feelings, even if they are difficult

No need to rush forward to fix. What seems to help the most is being heard.

How Can Dads Take Some Pressure Off?

A partner can take the load off her shoulders by carrying some of the house and baby duties on her. When a mother carries every task in her head, her mind stays busy even when her body rests.

Dr Chaudhary points out that small actions make a lot of difference. A dad can:

Make a meal
Take the baby for a while
Schedule doctor visits
Allow the mother to take time to relax
A quiet shower or a short nap gives her that mental rest that her body needs, just as much

What Are the Baby Blues?

The "baby blues" may include some mild feelings of depression, tearfulness or irritability during the first few days after delivery. It is common and is typically self-limiting.

Recognising it is normal helps dads stick at it. An emotional night or a bad mood in the first few days is not a sign of failure, and it should not be taken personally.

When Do Mood Changes Need Professional Help?

Some symptoms persist or are more intense. The postpartum depression and anxiety group offers these signs that warrant professional help. Dr Chaudhary urges not to ignore these symptoms, which may represent a postpartum mental health disorder:

Dads can look out for signs such as:

Prolonged day after day of persistent sadness
Constant, intense worry
Distancing themselves from the baby, family or friends
Feeling hopeless
Difficulty in everyday activities

If these signs are present, the partner needs to direct the mother toward professional support. Telling the mother to simply "Stay positive" is not helpful. A more effective statement would be, "I'm concerned for your well-being, and perhaps meeting with the doctor will help. I am willing to come to the appointment if you like."

How Can Dads Support Her as an Individual?

Once a woman becomes a mother, her needs can often take a backseat to her baby. Dr Chaudhary suggests dads can help by prompting her to:

Stay connected with friends and family
Take up small activities she enjoys
Say what kind of support she needs

A quick chat on the phone with an old friend, a walk, or listening to a favourite piece of music can bring her back to herself. Asking "What would help you most today?" will also demonstrate to her that she counts.

Dr Alka Chaudhary, Senior Consultant, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist, Madhukar Rainbow Children's Hospital

When Should a Doctor Be Consulted?

The mother should seek help from her doctor or mental health expert if:

She has persistent low mood or worry
Sleep, eating or daily routine is badly affected, apart from newborn care
She feels hopeless or stays withdrawn
She reports that she does not know how to cope or look after herself or the baby

Getting help is a sign of strength, and getting it early usually eases up quickly.

This is a time when a mother has to handle a lot. Having a dad who is able to simply listen, feels relaxed about taking the load off, notices any changes in her mood over time, and sees her as an individual provides the great gift of having someone to land on. He does not have to solve everything; just him being there and sharing things can be enough.

FAQs on Emotional Support Dads Can Provide in the Postpartum Period

What happens if mother does not want to talk about how she feels?
A dad can respect her space and be there for her until she's ready. Being available, instead of forcing her to talk, will likely get her to begin sharing on her own.
Is it normal for dads to feel overwhelmed too?
Yes. There's a new baby, and your spouse's life has changed forever. He may be tired or worried, too; talking to someone he trusts, such as his doctor, keeps him strong to help the family.
Where can a dad ask for help if he is worried about the mother's temperament?
He can discuss his concerns with her doctor or other family members who can advise what to do next, such as telling her to see a counsellor or mental-health professional.